I miss my dad..

my folks were divorced when I was a baby. I’d sometimes see Dad’s mother as I was growing up as she wintered in Sarasota.  I didn’t meet my dad until I was in my 20’s. Besides meeting Dad for the first time, I found out I had another sister – another horse crazy kid and we had a blast taking off on Robert and Reina, while Dad visited with my first husband. Since then, we’ve visited, written real letters (like the ones the post office brings!), and more recently emailed pretty much on a daily basis.  Another sister has been found.  Dad’s 89 and he’s not dead, but he is gone. He is in the early stages of Alzheimer’s.

It was hard to lose my mother, grandmother, and step-father, but they were here while they were here. Sometimes Dad is here, but those times are getting progressively less common.

dad

dad2

Even though we never spent much time together and didn’t agree on much – especially politics!, I miss the daily emails, even the infuriating political cartoons and comments. I miss the argumentative, stubborn, intensely brilliant man I used to know. I miss the time I thought we had left and the things I wish I’d said.

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5 Responses to I miss my dad..

  1. I am so sorry to hear you’re dealing with this long & painful condition that’s taken your Dad away from you. Mine had it too & our “Long Goodbye” took any recognizable essence HIM away 4 years ago & after severe paralyzing strokes – finally took his body 2.5 years ago. I sorely MISS my Dad too. If you ever need a sympathetic ear – I’m more than willing to offer you mine! May God Bless & steel you through this painful lonely transition for both of you & your family!

  2. FarmGirl says:

    I’m so sorry Linda.
    I lost my dad to dementia just after I moved back from “the left coast” to my home in NC. It got harder and harder as he left more and more of himself behind. We had similar features to our relationship that you describe. We argued, debated and sometimes opened each others’ minds. I intensely grieved his loss 3 months before he died because he was no longer my father, just his body. Dementia and Alzheimer’s are very cruel to watch in the lives of loved ones. I learned not to refute what he said, and go along with it instead. He became like a 6 year old and then like a 3 year old. He died in 2002. I have you in my thoughts during this difficult time. Love you.

  3. KathyB. says:

    I miss the Dad that raised me, very , very much. I still dream he is alive and I wake up some mornings excited to tell him about the great things in my life and then I realize he is dead and gone. I found out when I was over 30 years old that my Dad was not my biological father, and after my ‘DAD’ died I made contact with my biological father while he was dying in the hospital. I never met him in person, but did talk to him on the phone and have since established a relationship with his sisters who are in their 80’s and 90’s. So I miss 2 dads…one who loved and raised me and one I never knew…the grief never goes away, but it lessens and seems to put life into better perspective….and helps me remember to appreciate all the more the loved ones in my life.

  4. Alina says:

    Life is short – never leave things unsaid or the important things undone (and NO I don’t mean the laundry and the dishes).
    I Love you.

  5. Patrice says:

    That’s really tough. Dads can be such a mystery to girls in the best of circumstances, but to not meet your until age 20? Wow.

    Though my Dad passed several years ago, I keep him close to me, just as you keep yours. And what a wonderful photograph. I wish I had one of my Dad in his Navy uniform.

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